So this might be dumb....extra dumb actually.
So many things have changed and been stressful since I got up here to Washington. I feel like I'm nonstop moving, but at the same time I feel like I barely accomplish anything. School is falling apart, just - completely. Which is so frustrating. I took on far too much. I don't want to let Matt and my mom down by not doing good this semester, but I am SUCKING. It's awful. I went from working my ass off to be on deans list last semester - to dropping 2 classes and still failing my biology class this semester. I don't know how to handle it. I'm almost 10K in debt, I'm not doing well, Matt and I will be moving AGAIN during the fall semester, the animals have needs, I have a full time job. I have no idea how people do it. I really don't. Because I am falling apart at the seams. And Matt will be so disappointed in me if I stop going to school. I genuinely feel like I'm doing this for them and not myself. Because I am ok with not having my degree- but Matt isn't ok with it and neither is Mom. I just want something to go my way. Maybe fall semester I'll only go part time - it'll extend my graduated but at the same time it will make keeping up good grades so much easier.
And then there's this random baby fever that needs to go away. I don't want a baby, but at the same time I do. I want one bc I want to see Matt be a dad and have an awesome child together, but I know we shouldn't right now, and shouldn't until after his sea duty is over. So I'm not going to be stupid about it; however, I'd really love this baby fever to go away.
